SWeeT aND SouR!!!

Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Well if not, then I'm telling you I love you more than anything in the world, just some times, I don't know. I could kick you on ur butt! Lol. Then again what would I do with out you? Well you finally have been writing me all the time and I have been writing you all the time too. I love every time I get a letter from you and I love how you write me a lot. =) It really brightens up my day. And on the days I don't receive a letter I just look at your pictures and see how happy we look together, and that makes me feel a million times better. Some times you do know how to tell me those sweet special words, but then you usually burst my bubble right after. Today was one of those days with one of those bubble busting letters. You finally got it all down right with the whole, "we are moving forward full speed ahead" and that made me hella happy, like I was on cloud 9. But then, you have to turn around and ruin it for me. You turned around and said how some stupid guy told you, "the statistics of couples moving in before marriage have a high divorce rate. so now I'm scared. But that involved buying things together. So you and I will keep everything seprate until we are married. Is that okay?" Baby, I love you, but some times you really do crush me. Look, you and I will make it for ever, so stop trying to sugar coat everything and trying to have a plan B incase plan A with us being together doesn't work. You already told me you want to marry me and I want to marry you. It's plain simple and clear that there isn't any one else out there for us, and you and I can't be with out each other, but here you are throwing things at me that tell me that you are unsure of "US". And that's a big deal to me because as soon as you start to question you make me feel like you aren't confident in us, and that you are waiting for us to fail. Emanuel you can't keep doing this to me. I don't ever get to talk to you quickly (like on the phone), so when you tell me stuff like this I have it on my chest until I write back, you read it, and then reply to me. That usually takes up to two weeks. Emanuel, every time I write you, I write you things that reasure you, and here you are writing me "trying" to reasure me, and it works for that sentence that I read and usually right after you have to throw in something that completely kills the mood. I love you, but baby please learn to knock that off because you are killing me inside. And it seems like every other week you do this. I love you and I know you love me, so stop it with all this stupid "doubt" crap...

a BiiT HuRT...

so... the other day u wrote me... and you really hurt my feelings... baby, EVERYTHING that i do, is to benefit US together as a whole!!! i never consider us as separate... but you seem to be thinking like that... and baby, that hurts... you gotta know that i love you... and everything that i want is involving you and i... i want a house, marriage, childern, our dream cars, our dream careers, baby, i want everything with you... and i just need you to see that... i'm sure the things you said to me was cuz you were feeling insecure... u even told me that u were feeling insecure in the letter pervious... and i know that it's cuz u hadn't got a letter 4rm me yet... but u gotta remember... as soon as you got shipped out there, ur family got a letter w/ ur address... your family don't like me & i didn't want to go thru the ackwardness... so i just had 2 wait until you sent me a letter... and that took 2 weeks... but i had been writing to you the whole time... so as soon as i got ur letter w/ the address, the very next day my mom sent out 7 letters 4rm me that were several pages long each... ur crazy baby... you have to be able to see how much i love you!!! and if you don't, i'm sorry but ur a fool... (((i mean that in the nicest way possible))) but yea, crazy, i really love you... i was feeling like poop the day you told me if this is wut i really wanted... i'm not going to lie... you made me cry... and i cried a lot... i felt sooo hurt... and thinking of it is making my heart drop to my tummy and it's makin me want 2 cry again... but i keep tellin myself, "don't take it personal, he's just feeling insecure, it's nothing big." i mean yea, i know u want 2 make sure i love you but by you saying "well let me know WHEN things change" is saying you expect them to change, and that means DOUBT!!! baby, we can't have doubt in us, or else we minus well give up now... and i don't want either one of us to do that... you really confused me... you've been talking about how happy u are with me and how much you have missed me and how you want to reach our goals again... but then you throw me a curve ball w/ the letter you had sent me... so really baby, think about how what you say is going to affect me... if you only knew how much I DO LOVE YOU!!! if you only knew the things i do each and every day for you... then maybe you would see... i hope one day you will realize it... cuz every one else can see it in my eyes and hear it in my voice any time i mention ur name... and the funny thing is... that's never going to change... stop having doubt... doubt is just going to bring us failure!!! and i know neither one of us wants that... so stop lying 2 urself...

ii CaN STaLK u NoW... JK!!!

YAY!!! yesterday was like the best day ever... to tell you the truth... I started 2 feel really down cuz I hadn't heard 4rm you AT ALL!!! but right when it was really gona start 2 hit me, & me worry, I checked the mail and I got 3 envelopes 4rm you w/ several letters!!! I started to cry a little bit... you really touched me w/ some of the things you said to me... I was like yay!!! Well I sent you out like 6 letters... I think one of the letters was 6 pages, front and back... lol... and the other ones are like 1 or 2 pages front and back... and another one that is like 3 or 4 pages front and back... but u know me... I write big... lol... well my writing isn't that big in the letters I wrote you... All I know is I'm hella excited that I got ur letters and I was finally able 2 send my letters out to you... so you'll have maybe like a couple of days of reading and a couple of days of writing... I only responded 2 a few of ur letters... I didn't wana do it all at once... other wise I'd run out of material to write to you about... Lol... anyways I am at Panera Bread w/ Rachel right now... so I shall write you later my love...